Today I found out something, or rather remembered, something about myself. Something that, once, was very important to me, but has lain dormant, untouched, for a long time. Its funny, when that happens. When you remember something about yourself that you had forgotten, something that has been buried in the passage of time. The trigger is often unusual, and unexplainable. An old photo, a book, a song. Sometimes a smell or a place. But then the memory, or the feeling, hits you so hard. And you can't quite remember why you ever forgot to begin with.
That happened to me today.
I love it when that happens. Its like stepping backwards in time, a bittersweet step back, where you just imperceptibly touch or see the part of you that was lost, the memory that was faded but has resurfaced for a time. And sometimes it leaves as quickly as it came, changing nothing, life moving on the same. Like the time I walked in on my sisters watching a Disney movie. And suddenly, remembering being four and five years old, watching that movie over and over. I remembered insisting that my brother let me watch it, rather than his boyish favorites. I remembered curling up on the couch with my blanket and favorite stuffy, singing along with the princess on the screen. I had seen that movie many times since my childhood obsession, yet it was this one time that brought me back to that time. I wonder why.
And again today, the trigger just as odd. The cover of a book, titled "Cavalrymen", with a picture of an ancient Roman soldier astride a war horse, spear raised, printed across the front. And I remembered being in third grade and learning about ancient Egyptian history. Random, I know. More importantly, I remembered how I used to be very interested in history of any kind - ancient Greek or Roman, European, medieval, modern. Last year at school, I randomly added a history major to my studies, and discovered my love for history. Or maybe I should say, rediscovered. But I didn't realize it was a rediscovery then. Not until today, when I saw that little book, did I remember checking out books from the library about castles, reading stories about Roman and Greek mythology, building a miniature pyramid out of clay.
Unlike the movie-memory, however, I have to wonder, is this a sign?
No comments:
Post a Comment